Tag: Thankful

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Recovering with Community

So, I don’t know how many of you read my last post, but let me tell you, hysterectomy recovery is NO Joke. I will also share that I went into this with a LOT of trepidation. And I could NOT believe that I was facing such major surgery withOUT Jamey. But you know what, God provides!! I have been astounded at the kindness of friends & neighbors & of course my daughters, though my youngest complained last night that she misses when we “split” the task of rolling the trash can up & down the driveway. (“Split” 🤣🤣🤣 – ouch laughter hurts right now.) I did not ask for meals, or rides, or really assistance in anyway, because I kind of felt like I’ve used up all the goodwill one girl could ever ask for in her life when so many people helped us through cancer & then grief, but this is the South, & I live in the absolute most amazing community & help me they did! 3 of my friends, who also just so happen to live in my neighborhood, ALL brought me & my youngest the most delicious soups & soft burrito dinners, which is about all I could digest recently. I also have to give a shout out to my Sunday School friend who also brought soup & sat & visited with my bedrest bored self. (And now that travel soccer is over, I really do plan to start going to SS again. God has been nudging my heart.) And I can’t not also thank my dear, dear friend who stayed with me overnight in the hospital & helped me try & walk, ever so slowly, dragging my IV pole around in the middle of the night and who later drove over to bring me sexy & romantic things @ 11:00 PM like Metamucil & prunes. Yes, recovery ❤️‍🩹 is hard going, but God has again helped me walk, literally, through the kindness of others. It is humbling, & I am so very thankful, because I could not make it without so much divine support, & I am so thankful for my community.

Snuggled up in my reading nook with the bestest blanket from a friend.

But recovery has slowed me down, wayyyyy down. And if you know me, you know that’s hard to do. But with this time, I have been FINALLY working through an anatomy course that I have been putting off, but that I need to pass as part of my Pilates certification training, something I can’t actually practice for at least another 2 -4 weeks, grrrr. And in this forced upon me slower pace, I have allowed myself to just be, (& try to) listen, & pray. I’ve done a lot of talking to God lately, and to Jamey too. (And while I know God hears me, I’m not really sure Jamey does, though I’ve been talking to him too.) Yesterday was the year & half mark that Jamey’s been gone, & the girls & I have grown & morphed SOOOO much in that time, while still, amazingly, also stayed so much the same at our cores (thanks to our strong Pilates cores 🤣). I’d like to think they’d both be proud & encouraging, but I know there are totally a few choices that I’ve made where I can almost see Jamey with his arms crossed on his chest, lips tight, head cocked to the side, trying to think of the right words to say to make me reconsider something or other. But I also think he’d be impressed with how calmly, because I might have a penchant for the dramatic, I / we handled it when his beloved Jeep died, & we had to call AAA to save us. Life is a series of ups & downs, detours & setbacks, but I’m finding, while life doesn’t often go as I planned, God will walk with you & guide you around the next bend, if you let Him, and He is still doing so many good things & offering up so many good gifts to His children through the hands of people. And to all my people, THANK YOU!

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Thankful for much, even the suck..

So, here we are, facing the 1st of the Hallmark holidays without Jamey, Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving used to be kind of a big deal for us, because it was the 1st big family gathering Jamey & I, several years ago, finally felt equipped & ready to host on our own. Early marriage we always trekked it back down to Florida to be with my parents & grandparents, but once we lost my grans & moved into a house with a little more elbow room, we were ready to host. Now that’s not to say we did do so seamlessly, as it took us a few years to get the hang of it, but we did it & loved it. 

However, we most certainly learned a few things along the way. We learned that if Jamey was intent on smoking the bird 🦃 in the Big Green Egg, Thanksgiving lunch @ 12:00 PM was not a good idea, because it meant he (we) had to stay up most of the night monitoring the temperature, & you can’t stay up all night without imbibing 🥃🍺🍷 at least a wee bit, so subsequent feasts were all dinners versus lunches. I learned that it’s really over kill to deep fry the onions on your back porch in your new Fry Daddy for the green bean casserole, & store bought, fried & dried, onions are really delicious when comparing the ROI. Yes, lots of tweaks were made over the years. We even moved the festivities out to Smyer Lake one year, where the kitchen appliances may not have been as nice, but the ambiance was top drawer. But then Covid 🦠😷 side swiped our newly acquired hosting hats, & we had to settle for a low-key family of 4. Oh, how innocent & naive I was to think that Thanksgiving with just the 4 of us during a pandemic was rather somber & sad. I mean what I wouldn’t give to go back in time & relish it more, appreciate it more, cherish it more, & imprint every minute of it into my wretched memory more. Just writing that makes me sob big hard tears that I’ve been managing to keep at bay for longer & longer periods of time as of late, but I guess it just goes to show you that grief lives in a deep dark well that never runs dry. 😥 But despite the tears, I’m truly thankful for the many, many happy memories. I just sometimes still can’t believe that they really are just memories, and that realization sucks, but life goes on for the rest of us.

Our “feast” this year will be small & mostly ordered from a local delicatessen, but we will get by & try to focus on the many, many good things & countless blessings in our lives. For example, our oldest has been receiving college acceptances & both girls just might be able to squeak out an all A report card. And friends! Oh my goodness our friends! Friends continue to show up & support us in the most unexpected & beautiful ways, whether it be by coming to the the 18th Annual Finish The Fight Iron Bowl Kickoff Casino Party last week, or by stomping out my boa that may or may not have caught fire 🔥 recently, or by leaving THE. MOST. DELICIOUS. loaf of “Rosemary Remembrance” bread on our front porch. (It was sooo good; I’ve even asked for the recipe & I don’t bake, & I’ve never made 🍞 bread in my life!) The kindnesses & support are nothing short of phenomenal, & I’m so thankful! But the suck is never too far off. In the last 2 weeks, 2 dear & longtime friends have shared with me that loved ones in their inner circles have been diagnosed with CRC. It feels like it’s everywhere, but my daughter says it’s just because I’m hyper focused on CRC. Maybe so, but I’d be negligent if I didn’t put in a plug here for everyone reading this now, if you haven’t yet, schedule your colonoscopy sooner versus later. I don’t want anyone else to feel compelled to write a grief blog, maybe some sort of happy blog, but let’s prevent anymore pathetic grief blogs.

I’ll close out this post on Thanksgiving Eve, with a PSA that’s not about colonoscopies: Love on your honeys. Squeeze ‘em tight. Don’t sigh or fight if someone overcooks, undercooks, or forgets to cook anything. Just squeeze their hands & give thanks to God, & try with all your might to remember & appreciate it all. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S.  Apologies for not posting last week.  I was running around with my hair on fire (It was apparently out of control!) and pealing in everywhere I went on two wheels. Then throw in one of your besties visiting from out of town, a fundraiser to “Finish the Fight” with a dozen or so friends all gathered in one place, and journaling / blogging was just not happening. 😊