What a beautifully and honestly expressed writing of how you are moving through these holidays. I have never thought of you as someone who puts their head in the sand…I have only seen you as a brave woman who has walked forward with wisdom and strength into the hardest places. I believe The Holy Spirit has blessed you with this authenticity and bravery!
I love hearing about the 3 girls and how you have supported and cared for one another. you are wonderful mother, Dany, and your girls will grow up to see your wisdom and strength and see how you have walked with them. K
Heidi, Kate sent me a link to your blog this morning. I’m sitting here crying like a baby – I’m so proud of you for stepping out in faith to write about your grief. I know your story will be a testimony to many others. you are loved.
Wow. Hallie, I don’t know you, but you are an amazing person. Your post is so well written, heartfelt and conveys so well how things were while your dad was sick and how things are now. Your ability to hold things together through your dad’s illness and decline, and still be there for him to the point where you slept next to him as he passed, is truly amazing and something not many grown adults can do. It shows that your love for him and your belief in Christ overcame your fear. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope I get to meet you sometime!
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How I love your writing. And I hope it felt cathartic bc I feel God’s gift of expression and honesty being revealed through you. You three girls…what a trio. Jamie is proud. He is healed and whole and watching the 3 of you take in life and mature in hard and meaningful ways. Thank you for sharing your heart! K
Well it is a wonderful respite to stop work and read your words! They are always honest and beautiful, even when you are talking about the hardest things! What a gift! You feel the love and fellowship around you, your humor has never left you, and you have a heart to walk alongside other women who have lost their spouse. I believe God, through the fire, has been making you into a beautiful piece of gold. Shining and bringing light and beauty to the world around you. You are a wonder, Dany! K
I love reading these…being industrious, and you could call this distraction, is such a gift. I believe we were created to work and be industrious in a healthy way. You seem to be good at both being quiet and reflecting and keeping moving and taking care of business. I love the idea of the puppy and small renovations. And personally, I think you should get a tattoo!
So so good to see you and Heidi last week and to hug your neck! I hope the palm trees & sun were a good distraction. Excited to hear about all your do and especially that puppy!
Erica & family
Praying and wishing that the water cleansing it all away and gives a fresh, rainbow start to 2023! Congrats to Halli and hoping to see y’all this new year.
Oh my goodness…No power during the cold… the dog, the tree, the rain! Thank you for the way you bring your world into powerful words and into color for me. I feel like I am able to truly know who you are and what you are going through…well, not truly and fully know, but see you authentically and not guess. That is a gift to me. God is always working and while you have been His for a long time, it is so clear that He is making you new. Purification, wisdom, compassion….a seasoned woman!
Well, this was a beautiful reflection. I have not heard the verse from Numbers 11:17. That God would also put His Spirit on others so that the burden would not be just for one. God’s Spirit in God’s people. Thank you for this reminder. And I love the part about God leading you organically…not in a straight line, not in one lane, but in this unpredictable way that will resemble a piece of art. A way of growing and moving that you could not have conjured up. A creating of beauty in your spirit that you could not have birthed yourself. It will be quite the testimony to see you in a few years and the person that you will have become bc of your “yes” to Him.
I see so many characteristics in you that must have delighted Jamey…and in this writing, I see your strength, ability to make wise decisions, and your even pushing up against some of his thoughts…He must have loved your independent, strong and intelligent mind.
I love that in the quiet, you can hear what he might say and do. What a testament to a true partnership…two people who were fully known by one another and still loved. It reminds me of Christ’s relationship with us…we are truly known and loved anyway.
You and your girls are dear. We are thinking about you his Christmas and I know your heart aches. I want to hang on to the what Lucy said in the Narnia Chronicles…
“Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater for having once been broken and lost.” Much love, dear and beautiful friend! K
Thanksgiving must have been so sad in so many ways, and that’s understandable. I’m just glad that you have so many friends to help you and your daughters keep you going. I loved hearing about some of your previous Thanksgiving. Those are precious stories and memories.
The grief tiger is such an interesting and vivid concept. Thank you again for sharing.
Still thinking about y’all and praying for y’all daily. The Listis miss the Hollingsworth family. Prayers and blessings for a Happy Thanksgiving!
I have been reading your journals and apologize for only commenting on them now. In response to your latest entry, I want to say that even though you feel overcome with grief, which is so normal and such a tribute to Jamey and your love for him, you still need to be able to function and deal with everyday life for you and your girls. You need to try to take a step forward each day and live your life as best you can or you will regress and that is definitely not what Jamey would want. But it’s so easy to feel guilty doing so. No wonder Jamey asked you in a dream if you still loved him. He knows you love him. That questions was not from him, but, in my humble opinion, from your guilt of trying to heal. Please comfort yourself in the knowledge that moving forward in life does not mean that you love Jamey any less. Actually, it would hurt Jamey seeing you hold yourself back from healing. One thing that is certain is the love you had for one another (and still have). And that love doesn’t just go away. He will always be in your heart. He will always be the father of your children and when you see them, you will always see parts of him. Stepping forward doesn’t stop that. Actually, it honors him by taking care of yourself and his children the best you can. He would hate to see you wallow in his name. Love means wanting the best for the other person and that is what Jamey wants for you. Be gentle on yourself. Let yourself cry and moan and feel sorry for yourself – and you should feel sorry for yourself! Life just isn’t fair sometimes. You need this time to do that. But also, don’t beat yourself up when you realize you’ve gone through several hours concentrating on other things. As you pick up the pieces of your life, you will have to immerse yourself in other things more and more. Let yourself do it slowly so you can withstand the pain and guilt the best you can.
Dany,
I have followed along from the beginning. While therapeutic for you to write, I want you to know it enriches my life and the lives of those who read it. We are all moving so fast. Too fast. You and Jamey have taught me to slow down, love BIG, and really let go of little things- especially things I can’t control. I remember him telling me how easy it was to see what mattered now. I am so thankful for that visit, and I try to see better everyday. You and Jamey are such beautiful souls. Thank you for continuing to pour your heart out and share this difficult journey… and for saying yes to walks! ❤️
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this journey, too (as mentioned by so many others). I found myself relating and connecting on many fronts; however, grief is not one of them. Death and loss — and all that comes with it — is like a foreign territory: a land I have yet to cross. It is just one of the many reasons I am here with you. Please, keep writing. Please, keep sharing.
Oh, this was good to hear. Not in the sense of, “oh, this felt good”, but in the sense that it is real and raw and gritty and I can realistically sense how you are walking through this. “Who Am I Now?” What a question! I feel that way and my kids have just gone to college! A shift in my roles and identity. So, on a small level, I feel a little confused, self-conscious, a little like I have lost my bearings.
I am looking forward to knowing you even more through your writings. I will know how to pray and I will be encouraged from your strength. And I pray that these journal entries will help you walk though these saddest and most disorienting of times. And I love your family. Family 2.0 will emerge from the flames, refined and full of wisdom.
I was happy to see your blog show up in my email. Thank you for putting your new 2.0 self out there – in the midst of our move I wanted to write to you and say you should write more bc you have a gift- but others saw it too and I’m so glad you’re trying it out! We miss y’all and Birmingham and soccer like crazy but are enjoying the palm trees and breezes too.
Thinking of y’all and praying,
Erica
Blogging is new to me. Your courage inspires me, Dany. I appreciate being included in your journey and the girls’ as well. I know I will be saddened by some of your experiences, but I will rejoice in all your triumphs. God bless you three!
Sharon
Danny your writing/jounaling posts are a delight to read. Your honesty, passion and truthfullness as a person is inspiring. I’m glad you are sharing your journey, and want you to know that your friends are here for you.
I think we are never just one thing…🤔 But we are multi-faceted things, ever evolving things, ever changing things…it’s a process. Change in life comes to us gradually, or abruptly. We have to then adjust, accomodate, embrace, let go, revamp. Losing Jamey was like a terrible car accident. It is ok to be lost, and be in somewhat of an identity crisis. Life keeps coming at us, nevertheless … Life survival decisions don’t stop, nor do parental decisions, or work decisions. You still must, “chop wood, and carry water…” To quote a Zen saying. Major decisions (Life changes) for example; changing jobs, selling your house, jumping into relationships, and many more you can name, those are big decisions… Dany, you are on the rebound, and will be for some time.
Only you, in your healing process, come back , and redefinition of yourself will know when big life decisions are okay again. In the meantime it’s okay to do the survival , the parental , the job related… The tree? it’s physically big…
But it’s not a big life decision…🪓
And honestly, if you sit down and close your eyes, you probably have a very good idea what Mr. Jamey might say…
You will make mistakes, give yourself permission. It’s messy, it’s ok. You don’t have to be perfect. It’s ok to change a bad choice, or decision, several times if need be, until it feels right. Do your best, take your best shot, take care of yourselves spiritually and emotionally… What our “Best shot” is, is ever changing, … As we grow, and adapt… And if you screw it up…? You get a do over… Give yourself permission to not be perfect, and to roll with the punches… I think it’s important to give yourselves credit also, for the consciousness, and awareness you have brought to the horribly difficult and traumatic loss you have experienced. It doesn’t take away the pain, the sadness, the grief, or the resultant identity crisis. But in expressing, voicing, commiserating, with us all… You have given us all a huge life lesson. We all in turn become as if your “cut man”, (to use a boxing analogy) in your corner, in this tough fight… “Keep your guard up, Dany! Keep moving! Stay away from the ropes…! Keep sharing your voice…💪🏾”
🥊
Hey Dany, sorry for the extra text message earlier, any ding dong should’ve seen that simply going to the ‘Blog’ icon brought me to a place where I can comment. But I’ll say again cause it helps: I’m selfishly glad for this space, cause it helps me be less mad with The Almighty.
And I should say also that I’m starting to see positive things, so the 2.0 version for me is seeing more clearly the influence Jamey’s life has on me, and of course ‘light in the darkness’, as we have been saying at St Stephens, is everywhere in Jamey’s life, and being together is part of that light…so thanks for getting this going, and Light and Love from me to you! chan
Thank you Chan! I’m so glad this blog is helpful for you too, & I appreciate that you took the time to leave a comment. Writing is certainly cathartic for me. I used to keep a journal, a paper & pen version from back in the day. But I found, I only ever wrote when I was sad, & I used to tell Jamey that I was afraid that when I died & people found them, they’d think I lived a very sad life, because all my entries were sad. When I’m happy, I never want to slow down & miss any of the happiness long enough to write. Maybe when my desire to write has passed, that will be my sign that I’ve made it to the other side of grief.
Hugs to you.
What a beautifully and honestly expressed writing of how you are moving through these holidays. I have never thought of you as someone who puts their head in the sand…I have only seen you as a brave woman who has walked forward with wisdom and strength into the hardest places. I believe The Holy Spirit has blessed you with this authenticity and bravery!
I love hearing about the 3 girls and how you have supported and cared for one another. you are wonderful mother, Dany, and your girls will grow up to see your wisdom and strength and see how you have walked with them. K
Heidi, Kate sent me a link to your blog this morning. I’m sitting here crying like a baby – I’m so proud of you for stepping out in faith to write about your grief. I know your story will be a testimony to many others. you are loved.
Wow. Hallie, I don’t know you, but you are an amazing person. Your post is so well written, heartfelt and conveys so well how things were while your dad was sick and how things are now. Your ability to hold things together through your dad’s illness and decline, and still be there for him to the point where you slept next to him as he passed, is truly amazing and something not many grown adults can do. It shows that your love for him and your belief in Christ overcame your fear. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope I get to meet you sometime!
Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this site.
It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s difficult
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on Internet explorer. Superb Blog!
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How I love your writing. And I hope it felt cathartic bc I feel God’s gift of expression and honesty being revealed through you. You three girls…what a trio. Jamie is proud. He is healed and whole and watching the 3 of you take in life and mature in hard and meaningful ways. Thank you for sharing your heart! K
Well it is a wonderful respite to stop work and read your words! They are always honest and beautiful, even when you are talking about the hardest things! What a gift! You feel the love and fellowship around you, your humor has never left you, and you have a heart to walk alongside other women who have lost their spouse. I believe God, through the fire, has been making you into a beautiful piece of gold. Shining and bringing light and beauty to the world around you. You are a wonder, Dany! K
I love reading these…being industrious, and you could call this distraction, is such a gift. I believe we were created to work and be industrious in a healthy way. You seem to be good at both being quiet and reflecting and keeping moving and taking care of business. I love the idea of the puppy and small renovations. And personally, I think you should get a tattoo!
So so good to see you and Heidi last week and to hug your neck! I hope the palm trees & sun were a good distraction. Excited to hear about all your do and especially that puppy!
Erica & family
Praying and wishing that the water cleansing it all away and gives a fresh, rainbow start to 2023! Congrats to Halli and hoping to see y’all this new year.
Oh my goodness…No power during the cold… the dog, the tree, the rain! Thank you for the way you bring your world into powerful words and into color for me. I feel like I am able to truly know who you are and what you are going through…well, not truly and fully know, but see you authentically and not guess. That is a gift to me. God is always working and while you have been His for a long time, it is so clear that He is making you new. Purification, wisdom, compassion….a seasoned woman!
Congratulations to Halli! I am guessing Samford?
Well, this was a beautiful reflection. I have not heard the verse from Numbers 11:17. That God would also put His Spirit on others so that the burden would not be just for one. God’s Spirit in God’s people. Thank you for this reminder. And I love the part about God leading you organically…not in a straight line, not in one lane, but in this unpredictable way that will resemble a piece of art. A way of growing and moving that you could not have conjured up. A creating of beauty in your spirit that you could not have birthed yourself. It will be quite the testimony to see you in a few years and the person that you will have become bc of your “yes” to Him.
I see so many characteristics in you that must have delighted Jamey…and in this writing, I see your strength, ability to make wise decisions, and your even pushing up against some of his thoughts…He must have loved your independent, strong and intelligent mind.
I love that in the quiet, you can hear what he might say and do. What a testament to a true partnership…two people who were fully known by one another and still loved. It reminds me of Christ’s relationship with us…we are truly known and loved anyway.
You and your girls are dear. We are thinking about you his Christmas and I know your heart aches. I want to hang on to the what Lucy said in the Narnia Chronicles…
“Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater for having once been broken and lost.” Much love, dear and beautiful friend! K
Dany,
Thanksgiving must have been so sad in so many ways, and that’s understandable. I’m just glad that you have so many friends to help you and your daughters keep you going. I loved hearing about some of your previous Thanksgiving. Those are precious stories and memories.
The grief tiger is such an interesting and vivid concept. Thank you again for sharing.
Still thinking about y’all and praying for y’all daily. The Listis miss the Hollingsworth family. Prayers and blessings for a Happy Thanksgiving!
Dear Dany,
I have been reading your journals and apologize for only commenting on them now. In response to your latest entry, I want to say that even though you feel overcome with grief, which is so normal and such a tribute to Jamey and your love for him, you still need to be able to function and deal with everyday life for you and your girls. You need to try to take a step forward each day and live your life as best you can or you will regress and that is definitely not what Jamey would want. But it’s so easy to feel guilty doing so. No wonder Jamey asked you in a dream if you still loved him. He knows you love him. That questions was not from him, but, in my humble opinion, from your guilt of trying to heal. Please comfort yourself in the knowledge that moving forward in life does not mean that you love Jamey any less. Actually, it would hurt Jamey seeing you hold yourself back from healing. One thing that is certain is the love you had for one another (and still have). And that love doesn’t just go away. He will always be in your heart. He will always be the father of your children and when you see them, you will always see parts of him. Stepping forward doesn’t stop that. Actually, it honors him by taking care of yourself and his children the best you can. He would hate to see you wallow in his name. Love means wanting the best for the other person and that is what Jamey wants for you. Be gentle on yourself. Let yourself cry and moan and feel sorry for yourself – and you should feel sorry for yourself! Life just isn’t fair sometimes. You need this time to do that. But also, don’t beat yourself up when you realize you’ve gone through several hours concentrating on other things. As you pick up the pieces of your life, you will have to immerse yourself in other things more and more. Let yourself do it slowly so you can withstand the pain and guilt the best you can.
Dany,
I have followed along from the beginning. While therapeutic for you to write, I want you to know it enriches my life and the lives of those who read it. We are all moving so fast. Too fast. You and Jamey have taught me to slow down, love BIG, and really let go of little things- especially things I can’t control. I remember him telling me how easy it was to see what mattered now. I am so thankful for that visit, and I try to see better everyday. You and Jamey are such beautiful souls. Thank you for continuing to pour your heart out and share this difficult journey… and for saying yes to walks! ❤️
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this journey, too (as mentioned by so many others). I found myself relating and connecting on many fronts; however, grief is not one of them. Death and loss — and all that comes with it — is like a foreign territory: a land I have yet to cross. It is just one of the many reasons I am here with you. Please, keep writing. Please, keep sharing.
Oh, this was good to hear. Not in the sense of, “oh, this felt good”, but in the sense that it is real and raw and gritty and I can realistically sense how you are walking through this. “Who Am I Now?” What a question! I feel that way and my kids have just gone to college! A shift in my roles and identity. So, on a small level, I feel a little confused, self-conscious, a little like I have lost my bearings.
I am looking forward to knowing you even more through your writings. I will know how to pray and I will be encouraged from your strength. And I pray that these journal entries will help you walk though these saddest and most disorienting of times. And I love your family. Family 2.0 will emerge from the flames, refined and full of wisdom.
I was happy to see your blog show up in my email. Thank you for putting your new 2.0 self out there – in the midst of our move I wanted to write to you and say you should write more bc you have a gift- but others saw it too and I’m so glad you’re trying it out! We miss y’all and Birmingham and soccer like crazy but are enjoying the palm trees and breezes too.
Thinking of y’all and praying,
Erica
Blogging is new to me. Your courage inspires me, Dany. I appreciate being included in your journey and the girls’ as well. I know I will be saddened by some of your experiences, but I will rejoice in all your triumphs. God bless you three!
Sharon
Danny your writing/jounaling posts are a delight to read. Your honesty, passion and truthfullness as a person is inspiring. I’m glad you are sharing your journey, and want you to know that your friends are here for you.
I think we are never just one thing…🤔 But we are multi-faceted things, ever evolving things, ever changing things…it’s a process. Change in life comes to us gradually, or abruptly. We have to then adjust, accomodate, embrace, let go, revamp. Losing Jamey was like a terrible car accident. It is ok to be lost, and be in somewhat of an identity crisis. Life keeps coming at us, nevertheless … Life survival decisions don’t stop, nor do parental decisions, or work decisions. You still must, “chop wood, and carry water…” To quote a Zen saying. Major decisions (Life changes) for example; changing jobs, selling your house, jumping into relationships, and many more you can name, those are big decisions… Dany, you are on the rebound, and will be for some time.
Only you, in your healing process, come back , and redefinition of yourself will know when big life decisions are okay again. In the meantime it’s okay to do the survival , the parental , the job related… The tree? it’s physically big…
But it’s not a big life decision…🪓
And honestly, if you sit down and close your eyes, you probably have a very good idea what Mr. Jamey might say…
You will make mistakes, give yourself permission. It’s messy, it’s ok. You don’t have to be perfect. It’s ok to change a bad choice, or decision, several times if need be, until it feels right. Do your best, take your best shot, take care of yourselves spiritually and emotionally… What our “Best shot” is, is ever changing, … As we grow, and adapt… And if you screw it up…? You get a do over… Give yourself permission to not be perfect, and to roll with the punches… I think it’s important to give yourselves credit also, for the consciousness, and awareness you have brought to the horribly difficult and traumatic loss you have experienced. It doesn’t take away the pain, the sadness, the grief, or the resultant identity crisis. But in expressing, voicing, commiserating, with us all… You have given us all a huge life lesson. We all in turn become as if your “cut man”, (to use a boxing analogy) in your corner, in this tough fight… “Keep your guard up, Dany! Keep moving! Stay away from the ropes…! Keep sharing your voice…💪🏾”
🥊
Thank you Chris! Your comment is so helpful, & gives me much to ruminate on. Thank you. Big hugs to you!
Hey Dany, sorry for the extra text message earlier, any ding dong should’ve seen that simply going to the ‘Blog’ icon brought me to a place where I can comment. But I’ll say again cause it helps: I’m selfishly glad for this space, cause it helps me be less mad with The Almighty.
And I should say also that I’m starting to see positive things, so the 2.0 version for me is seeing more clearly the influence Jamey’s life has on me, and of course ‘light in the darkness’, as we have been saying at St Stephens, is everywhere in Jamey’s life, and being together is part of that light…so thanks for getting this going, and Light and Love from me to you! chan
Thank you Chan! I’m so glad this blog is helpful for you too, & I appreciate that you took the time to leave a comment. Writing is certainly cathartic for me. I used to keep a journal, a paper & pen version from back in the day. But I found, I only ever wrote when I was sad, & I used to tell Jamey that I was afraid that when I died & people found them, they’d think I lived a very sad life, because all my entries were sad. When I’m happy, I never want to slow down & miss any of the happiness long enough to write. Maybe when my desire to write has passed, that will be my sign that I’ve made it to the other side of grief.
Hugs to you.